They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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