im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
