tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
