You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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