The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
