In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
