I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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