# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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