I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
