He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize