What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
