Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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