What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize