I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
