Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
