I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I want to be your penis for a week.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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