Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
