dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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