I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
