I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
