never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
