Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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