Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
