3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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