trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
