i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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