I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
