Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
