I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I think my moral compass just broke
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