Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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