so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
