if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
