Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
