she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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