I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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