I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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