i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
