I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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