Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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