Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
