ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
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