The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
