Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
