P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
