haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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