Yo dont text me then not text me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
