the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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