thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
