Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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