all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I pour the whiskey from now on
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
