I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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