I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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