well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
