Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Randomize