mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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