yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
