before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
