I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
