He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
