she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
