Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
accomplished twins. life is a go
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
