i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize