you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
