I want to make a zoo with you.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
