So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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