I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
BRING THE BAGELS
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
